I donít believe life is simply black and white. Only ignorant people view the world in absolutes. As bad as things have been lately, in context, compared to how other s might be faring in the world, I am becoming aware that I need to list things I am grateful for. I must be sure to know that not everything is bad.
Eric Clapton released a milestone album in 1989 called JOURNEYMAN. It might as well have been named DUETS because there were so many collaborations with other artists but youíd never know it from the album cover or promotions.
I spoke today at a convention and indie film/new media festival. I was asked to talk about marketing and indie film in the new era. I really hadnít prepared as well as I should have, as in I did not have a video presentation or any kind of power point. I donít like to do things and Ďwing ití as it were.
It hasnít hit me yet that my first full class from the school has just graduated. It will, once I get back to teaching other classes and none of these particular students are there any more. Itís a big deal, at least to me. It meant a lot to me to have a class of my own for an entire year. These people grew on me.
Every time I get to a certain stage, I take 2-3 steps backwards. MRSA is back. Iím bleeding again on my back. I can eat better, go walking 5-6 times a week, and get plenty of rest but this just isnít going to go away, is it? Iím destined to live out the remainder of my days with pain. I accept this. For all the things Iíve done and said in my life, there are worse things. I know this because Iíve done them. Sometimes you have to take your medicine, literal and figurative.
In some ways I love being 40 years old. Iím riding life on the edge of the old world and the new one. Iím not too old to get computers, TXT, and social media but Iím also old enough to remember life when relationships were less virtual and a conversation didnít entail staring down at a phone mid sentence.
Imma gonna do more work. Time to get FRAMELINES season 1 all the way done complete with 3 bonus episodes. Iíve got so much work to do with it, but now itís high time for me to personally get Ďer done. Iím planning a bit of a blitz for January, so Iíd need them complete in December.
Time to weigh in on the controversial STAR WARS-DISNEY story. Star Wars was the first film I ever saw on the big screen when I was 5 years old. George Lucas is a huge influence on me and my life as a whole. The first 45RPM I ever owned was the John Williams Star Wars Main Title/Cantina Band B-side. I spent the first half of my life wanting to write music for movies because of this. The DV/Desktop Editing Revolution of the late 1990ís allowed me to create visions like I saw on the big screen in 1977. And George Lucas has sold it all to Disney...
Sleep. Finally, Iím fighting off insomnia. Damn you BREAKING BAD marathon for starting a terrible trend of staying up until 4:AM several nights in a row! It took over a week to get back to a regular sleep schedule. Now back to our regularly scheduled Drama.
Stars line up, fate intervenes, and good things happen. I have a series of fortunate events that collide at the same time. For this I am grateful. Itís been awhile since things went my way. Iím making a little extra money, my first class graduates next week, Iím getting my first vacation in 5.5 years, and Iím gearing up to really make a movie. Plus, Iíve pretty much erased most of the bad memories from my home and the bad habits I had.
I canít wait until my vacation next month. To Florida I go. A week of pretty much nothing but sitting under a palm tree and not having anything resembling stress is the plan. I am also booked as a guest speaker at a convention for Public Access early next month. I have been hard at work duplicating all of our FRAMELINES episodes and CLIPFRAMES for whatever educable channels anywhere that want the shows. Expanding our audience can never be a bad thing, not for our sponsors or the subjects of our stories.
This is what I mean. My life has become a never ending succession of frustrations and disappointments. Tonight I got a TXT at 11:45 asking me if I wanted to come over. When a beautiful 24 year old girl sends this kind of TXT is usually means one thing. This is what most 40 year old guys hope and pray for.
Now I donít know what Iím feeling. Not quite numb, not depressed, but not excited. I worked on the house today. Painted a door, decorated a bit, cleaned a lot. I also sat on the new leather couch and pet the cats for over an hour. Trying to cut down on my Internet time really is like weening a crackhead off of meth or, you know... crack.
Rise to the occasion. Putting my head back on. Lifting everything to meet the challenges. My obstacles are simple. Get up every day, breathe, and walk out the door. Some days are easier than others. Hope is not lost, not yet. My first true love remains in my heart, and thatís the need to tell a story.
Iím still swimming in a sea of malaise. There is a lot of potential in one aspect of hope and thatís in Accidental Art. I want to make this movie damn it. Itís been ripe ever since we got the script in order. Iíve let too much affect my confidence.
The murky funk passes again. Teaching 2 classes this week helped get me out of the ditch. I try to bring my ďAĒ-Game to teaching. I plan things above and beyond what is expected and on the page. I create interactive material, present more video tutorials, and whatever this internal energy can be called, that fire ignites even when thereís only 5 students.
You see? This is what Iím talking about. I want to continue to be generous when I choose to, but this makes it very hard. I have a stellar example that vexes me. It makes it nearly impossible to ignore.
Letís delve deeper into my past, to the root of some of my issues if you will. I am in no way unaware of many of the causes to my psychological needs and wants. Of course upbringing colored my views. I always feel I am ultimately responsible for all of my own decisions. My choices are just that, MINE. Thatís not to say there arenít some amusing anecdotes that might mean more to a student of Freud than myself.
I continue, slowly, to paint and redecorate the homestead. Itís like Iím erasing the bad memories, or even evil spirits that live in the walls. When I lived in this 100 year old house in the 1990ís, first with some friends, and then later just roommates, no matter how bad things might get, this house was the first place my entire life I felt was a HOME, truly a home. When Iíd go to places like Europe or Africa, then come back, this was where I felt I belonged. My friend Noreen dubbed it ROSSDOM.
For those of you faithful readers of my blog, I have noted that some of you showed concern about being so honest and blunt in the public eye. And even about how this is somewhat one sided, but arenít all blogs? More importantly, I had not in the thick of it mentioned nary a word about the break up until my ex had kind of opened the floodgates by making one sided statements on Facebook. So here I am; what one reaps, one sows.